By Gwen Moran 4 minute Read It may be a dismal coworker or complaining boss, but into most professional lives a few negative people will fall. Those who veer from negative to toxic could actually be costing an organization money and productivity. They repeat the negative commentary until someone validates what they have to say, says empowerment speaker and coach Erica Latrice. That allows them to feel heard and may short-circuit the need to repeat a negative message.
Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. The secret to dealing with a chronic complainer Chronic contemplators to first understand his or her mindset. Here are three pieces of advice Being around a constant complainer is exhausting and irritating, but it can impact us in subtle ways as well.
When someone around us tends to think and react in negative and pessimistic ways we can "catch" their way of thinking without realizing it.
For example, one study found that college roommates of people with negative thinking styles became more negative themselves over the course of the year.
What makes it so difficult to deal with chronic complainers is how resistant they are to support, cheering-up or advice. Indeed, trying to be helpful in such ways will probably backfire because more often than not, nothing makes a chronic complainer happier than being totally miserable. The secret to dealing with a chronic complainer is to first understand his or her mindset: Chronic complainers do not usually see themselves as negative people -- they see the world as negative and themselves as merely responding appropriately to annoying, aggravating and unfortunate circumstances.
In other words, they complain excessively because they believe they have ample reason to do so. Therefore, do not try to convince a chronic complainer the specific situation they are in or their life as a whole is not as bad as they think -- they will happily bring up other misfortunes to convince you it is.
Chronic complainers complain for one main reason -- to get sympathy and validation for how bad, unfair, or annoying their situation is. Therefore, the quickest way to cut a complaining soliloquy short is to give them what they seek -- express sympathy, validate their feelings and then redirect them back to whatever you were doing e.
Wow, you have had such bad luck with apartments! You must be super annoyed! Chronic complainers constantly focus on the negative because being victims or unfortunates is a part of their very identity. Therefore, do not offer advice and stick to sympathy and emotional validation.; 6 Ways To Deal With Chronic Complainers Colleagues who can’t stop complaining can (and should) be dealt with.
Here’s how to do that effectively. Stages of Change: Precontemplation.
Definition. People in precontemplation stage have no intention of changing their behavior for the foreseeable future.
They are not thinking about changing their behavior, and may not see the behavior as a problem when asked. They certainly do not believe it is as problematic as external observers see it.
Chronic complainers will drain your energy with their never-ending dramas, leaving you feeling exhausted, frustrated, discontent and unproductive. As tempting as it can be to simply ignore complainers, you do so at the risk of . -Chronic contemplators-Weighing Benefits & Cons.
Preparation-Decision made-Firm plans-Possibly recent attempts at change. Action-Overt behavioral change-Stopping main issue-Grief issues-counter-conditioning-stimulus control-contingency management. Maintenance-Sustained behavior over time.
“Chronic contemplators” are not ready for action-oriented interventions. Preparation Those in this stage are more action-oriented and are already thinking about the changes they need to make with respect to their problem/situation. Oct 02, · Chronic contemplators spend lots of time thinking and not much time doing.
This is in part because "contemplators struggle to understand their problem, to see its causes, and to think about possible solutions" (DiClemente & Velasquez, , p. ).Author: Jonathan B.
Singer, Ph.D., LCSW.